trying to figure it out

really struggling here.

work is taking it all out of me.

at this point i look forward to leaving everything behind.

all because of that.

how do you get to a place where it doesn't ruin you?

how are you bigger than the beast?

where do you find the lacking humility

you know should be there?

it's a struggle

because i should love my job.

i do.

i just don't love this

what it's doing to me.

feeling that prayer helps for a sec.

and then the anxiety slithers back in

for another round.

you think i'd learned from practice.

but i'm new.

more joe pug.

and i've come to meet the legendary takers

and i've only come to ask them for a lot

oh they say i come with less

than i should rightfully possess

i say the more i buy the more i'm bought

and the more i'm bought the less i cost

joe pug

smoothie MASTERPIECE!!

1/2 cup milk

+

1/4 cup yogurt

+

1 cup mixed strawberries/raspberries/blueberries

+

1 small naner (banana)

+

honey

+

a blender

=

HEAVEN.

and it's purty, too!!!

yum... this is my best yet!

probably because i dumped the kale.

spinach i can do but i'm over kale.

i think the kale even permanently stank up my

starbucks smoothie cup!! (rhyme..)

boo.

i hope you are having a happy day today.

it's gorgeous outside!!

tim and i have been busy taking nash for double dippers...

yesterday we had a youth group cookout...

now i'm going to head out to my living room

to be all zen like and get my yoga on.

look at what all this vitamin D is doing to me!!

real sex.

it's okay if you tune this post out.

i really like to record when books speak to me and right now,

i am reading a great book:

source

so i'm just going to share some random quotes from the book.

long ones... and ones a bit difficult outside of the context.

the book is really about what "real sex" is

that idea will be summed up in one of the quotes i'll share.

i'll make that one bold or something.

"But the point is not to harp on how difficult chastity is. (Indeed, the instruction to just zip perhaps fails to recognize that one resists strong bodily urges like sexual desire not primarily through willpower, but through grace.)" page 22

"But conversion makes one a new Christian, not a mature one, and though it effects a change in one's heart and one's very being, it does not usually effect an instantaneous change in all one's habits or assumptions." page 23

"What sits at the center of Christian sexual ethics is not a negative view of sex; the Christian vision of marriage is not, as its most concise, merely "no sex before marriage." Rather, the heart of the Christian story about sex is a vigorously positive statement: sex was created for marriage." page 25

"...we need to ask whether the starting point for a scriptural witness on sex is the isolated quotation of 'thou shalt not,' or whether a scriptural ethic of sex begins instead with the totality of the bible, the narrative of God's redeeming love and humanity's attempt to reflect that through our institutions and practices." page 30

"...'God's command speaks to us, how and why it addresses us not only as a demand but as good news'" page 31

"It would be a dramatic overstatement to say that today I am a model of simplicity (I do still own a few silk tops), but I have begun to take steps toward simple living, and those steps were goaded not merely by hearing Jesus's harsh words to the rich young ruler, but by hearing them through the scrim of centuries of church teaching on ownership and possession, by coming to see how Jesus's words were not isolated instructions but integrally related to basic Christian themes of creation, ownership, and salvation."

"God made us with bodies; that is how we begin to know that He cares how we order our sexual lives." page 32

"That is the beginning of any Christian ethic- any moral theology- of how human being in bodies interact with other bodies."

"So an investigation of God's vision for human sexuality would begin with God's vision for human bodies..... Bodies are not simply pieces of furniture to decorate or display; they are not trappings about which we have conflicted feelings ('body images' that we need to revamp or retool); they are not objects to be dieted away, made to conform to popular standards, or made to perform unthinkable athletic feats with the help of drugs; they are neither tools for scoring points or burdens to be overcome. They are simply good." page 33-34

more to come.

so i didn't get to the quote where i really feel

she sums up why she titled the book the way she did

and what it all really comes down to.

but i will later.

i don't type as fast as i once did :)

i enjoy this author.

she has a pretty intellectual grasp of theology.

i may not agree with all of her theology.

but boy is she intelligent.

i read her first book

girl meets god

a couple years back.

definitely enjoyed it.

she was once an orthodox jew

and converted to christianity.

alright, gaga on glee

then parenthood

i'm out.

bad day.

tough day at work.

i just want it all to go away.

praise God i have tomorrow off.

:(

2 things.

notes taken from tim's reading through the bible study

1. remembering why it's so important to read the Bible: it's always pointing us to God, His promises, and His faithfulness.
2. taking up our cross means we deny ourselves and follow jesus. this makes christianity different from any other religion. we aren't seeking self-fulfillment but self-denial. we are only truly transformed when we deny ourselves by putting ourselves last and Christ first.

look @ me trying to kill that husband i love.

miss hannah martz took these pictures for rachel's wedding!

they all were really cute and hannah did a great job.

i love my husband.

and i especially love it when i get to hear him preach.

i had to leave early sunday morning to get to work on time and did not get to hear the conclusion to his sermon but i took some notes. the notes won't do any justice but the message was still good.

2 Timothy 4:1-8

"I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. for the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing."

The first part of this passage Paul is pretty strong in his words to Timothy:

I charge you... in the presence of God... preach the word.

preach the gospel

But how do we do that? in a culture where "evangelizing" becomes "proselytizing" and offensive, we have to find actions that speak louder than words.

1. take the blame. imagine your boss taking the hit for a mistake you made. wouldn't that be confusing? wouldn't you wonder why? take the blame for someone like jesus took the blame for you
2. have an open home. invite people for dinner. be hospitable. adopt literally and figuratively.
3. give a large amount of money to someone who needs it. when you live a life in a way that jesus did, people ask questions.

preach the gospel. and if necessary use words. remember, we are not good. jesus is.

believe the gospel.

when we reject the gospel, it's often to excuse how we want to live.

jesus makes incredible demands of our lives. the first part of the gospel: we are all damaged goods (in reference to one of last week's oprah episodes)

two parts of the gospel

1. we are far more wicked than we ever feared
2. we are all loved more than we could hope

today i woke up on the right side of the bed.

i just have to share the happy and positive energy that i woke up with naturally today.

it all started off with a great night's sleep. perfect 8 hours and perfectly rested

woke up to an alarm, but slept in an extra half hour. more like cuddled with nash and tim for half a half hour while we all dozed. that's my favorite.

we were able to sleep with the windows open last night. amazing.

i could hear birdies outside my window as i dozed and still hear them. they sound glorious. i feel like i'm in a jungle (we have lots of trees in our neighborhood).

i was too warm as i woke up and had to kick the duvet off. do you know how awesome that is?? the windows are open and i'm not cold!!

the sun is shining. the sun has been a bit distant in indiana for the past few weeks. it came around here and there but the fact that i woke up to it makes me feel all warm on the inside.

i feel a little bit better today, which means i am drinking my morning coffee and it's not grossing me out!

i'm going to try and make a new smoothie today. i found some really cheap nonfat plain yogurt from aldis and i'm going to use it instead of milk. i also haven't felt well enough to mess with smoothies the past few days.

as i walked to the kitchen to prepare our coffee, i was able to see the sun shining in through the window by our dining room table. when it does, it reflects off of my shiny green candle and sends little shimmery squares all over the place. it's only in the morning that this can happen and i mostly open at starbucks so it was good to see!

i will have time before church to spend time with Jesus. i woke up so refreshed and so excited to study scripture and pray.

tonight's the LOST finale and i managed to get off work today at 8:30 so i'll be home to see the conclusion of one of my favorite shows!

tomorrow i have the day off.

tuesday i work but wednesday i have the day off.

tim turns 27 this weekend.

julie's wedding is this weekend.

i love weddings.

i'm actually kinda excited to go to work today since i feel so positive!

i think that's all :)

shoes. these shoes rule.

i would just like to start off by saying that nash is passed out on my lap right now. he is too big for this and even though it makes me uncomfortable as i type this little blog of mine, i'll deal with it because he's just so super cute.

so i have to start looking for a pair of shoes to wear in my sister's wedding. lacey decided this is what my dress will be (purchased and hanging in my closet, by the way... note to self: don't get pregnant before the wedding!!)

so my dilemma is shoes! the shoes i bought for rachel's wedding are really too chunky for this particular dress. they are also deadly uncomfortable. lacey had the idea that i wait until the end of the summer and then check out all of the sales that stores will be having for their summer shoes. i like this idea! i'll probably just see what i can find but today i sought some ideas from zappos.com.

unfortunately, i love the nude pump trend. i can't help it. i am pretty sure that i won't be headed down that alley, though, because i'm not sure i'd wear them much at all and to find a shoe i like of that nature, i'm probably going to have to spend $300.

these are stuart weitzman. these are out of my price range. they're also too shiny.

these are cheaper. they also bring my back to terrible miss foy show choir choreography days. and really, i don't like them.

i could just opt for a black pair, but i think i should stick with something jennifer aniston-y (strappy). i did love this pair even though they aren't strappy

they are only 529 dollars.

zappos is really an entertaining website to go when you are looking for shoes! i may not be able to afford much but i can still have fun. i'll leave you with a few pairs of shoes that will make you say "waaaaa?" and "what the crap"

i'm not sure why but these are on sale.

there is actually a "clear" section you can sift through on zappos... the previous two pairs are the only gems to fight over.

i picture a she-bigfoot wearing these.

photos courtesy of zappos.com!

hotness.

i've been a bit under the weather for the past couple of days. i didn't have a chance to check out all my favorite blogs yesterday because i took a 3 hour nap after work and then went to bed at 7:30! i checked my most favorite today and will leave you with a beauty from their site.

courtesy of eclipsemovie.org

love it!

with regard to yesterday's post

i'm going to go with my new favorite singer-songwriter

joe pug on this one:

come lately Diana

and quit what's got you down

steal from the tallest cabinet

and make your favorite sound

and when there's too much to get rid of

and you get rid of me

speak plainly to me diana

there's nothing you must be

speak plainly diana, messenger

vent.

i don't know who you think you are.

to say what you did to mess me up so.

something small and insignificant

creeps out of my subconscious yet again

of course it was my choice to make of it what i did

but you...

vanity

deceit

self absorption

ignorance

you helped plant that nasty seed

i looked in the mirror today

and saw a creature created by a living God

not tied down to social expectations

and cultural lies

let's work our way to settle this.

let's tread the path that leads to

peace.

how and why did your opinion matter?

you were such a silly little boy

home... finally

while i was definitely ready for a vacation, i am verrrry happy to be home.

we had a great time in chicago. the josh ritter concert, of course, was magical. even better than the first, which is hard to believe. the only thing i didn't like... tim and i sat in the balcony, which meant we had a phenomenal view, but also meant that we had to sit for the whole show. at the end, josh got a standing ovation, of course, and came back out with joe pug to do two more songs. some old guy in the back yelled, "down in front" and tim and i were thinking, "seriously? you couldn't stand for two songs??" so next time we know to stick with the floor!

i believe we found a great place to live. tanglewood apartments in arlington heights. i'll have to do a starbucks search in the area to see where some possible options for my transfer are going to be. to us, they were safer than many we looked at, the inside was modern, i like the laundry room (it's in a huge public building made of glass as opposed to being in some dark hallway in a room with no window on the door so you have no idea who will be meeting you on the other side), a few pools (indoor & outdoor.. i gotta get a bathing suit!), a small fitness center. it wasn't perfect, but it was quaint. we also could live there for $800 a month including our utilities. we'd pay $22 for water, trash, and something else (can't remember right now...) and we're paying like $90 for that now. it was all around the best option. it also seems that we could move in whenever we need to, which we couldn't in many buildings because we would have to be in the pet buildings and those are oftentimes full. it's a large complex with several buildings. the only drawback is it's about 30 minutes away from campus, but tim is willing to deal with that for the first year to save money by living in this place. it is a little small as far as the living room goes, so we've decided not to get the LACK coffee table. if anything, we will just get another ottoman or go without to open up the area a little bit.

i DID get my lack end table, though. only cost us $8.99 and lacey offered to get it for us as a gift. once we move there, we will be purchasing a mattress, tv stand, duvet, and beautiful duvet cover. i don't think i realized how much tim and i just sort of did without until this weekend. we are so blessed, don't get me wrong. but to stay out of debt, we've slept on a mattress that's not great and just sits on the floor without a bed, hated a tv stand that didn't match our furniture, shared multiple single blankets instead of having a big new one to share. i'm not complaining. i'm proud of us. i feel like i have learned the art of delayed gratification. :) i'm not perfect, but getting better!

well i'm going to start getting ready to go visit my in laws! alicia is home and tim's papaw and aunt will be over for lunch! enjoy your sunday!

ta ta for now...

i am chicago bound!

in two hours tim and i will head out to drop nash off with my mom and dad in law and we will be headed to mitch & kristen's house. we will spend the weekend going to ikea, seeing josh ritter, apartment hunting, and eating lots of food. i'm a bit sad to miss oprah today (the twilight kids will all be on today...) but also excited to spend time in what will be my future hood. :)

enjoy your weekend!

page 201.

this sort of took my breath away...

Doubt thou that the stars are fire;

Doubt thou that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

But never doubt that I love.

William Shakespeare,

Hamlet

a best and worst...

one thing that i cannot break myself from is looking at the crazy fashion & style of the rich & famous. my sister and i especially love the oscars, and come up with our own very juvenile list of the best & worst dressed. before i went on vacation, i looked through pictures of the gowns donned at the Met Costume Institute Gala on people.com. i came home to a million dresses on my desktop and i will get rid of them now and share my little best & worst list.

the best:

anne hathaway in Valentino (my personal favorite; she looks like an angel)

mila kunis in Vera Wang

sienna miller in Emilio Pucci

blake lively in Marchesa

emma watson in Burberry

(this girls always looks SO good. there were a few dresses i think i liked better than hers, but she just wears it so well.

the worst:

*sorry ladies*

january jones in Yves Saint Laurent

elizabeth banks in Gucci

rosario dawson in Giambattista Valli

chloe sevigny in Proenza Schouler

katy perry in CuteCircuit

unfortunately, katy inspired this list. who wears a light up dress to an event like this? i actually grimaced when i first laid eyes on it :/

all photos courtesy of people.com

and yes, you would be correct:

i have too much time on my hands!

:)

my sister's keeper.

There are always sides. There is always a winner, and a loser. For every person who gets, there's someone who must give.

page 58, My Sister's Keeper

a gift.

written a few weeks ago...

It has been a long time. Too long, in fact. As I lapse in my commitment to spend time with God each day, I feel further from His presence. I cannot stress enough the importance of intimacy w/our God. He longs to meet with us. I know this not only because the Word tells me so, but also because I can feel it. For two weeks I met with God regularly. in those two weeks, I could feel the Holy Spirit giving me strength, peace, wisdom. Then I found myself busy with trying to get the house ready to put up for sale and I started to spend my spare time selfishly. Over the course of these last few days I've been worn down and burdened by the changes to come. I've fretted and complained about almost every obstacle in my way- from the customers at Starbucks to my friends and family. Wednesday the Holy Spirit gave me some insight and wisdom to share with my junior high girls (ironically enough, it had to do with this very issue) at Old Union, which I was incredibly thankful for, but beyond that I've been without. The happy ending to this story, though, ends with grace. A God who forgives and sanctifies. A God who welcomes back His prodigal child and prepares a feast for her. A God willing to love the unlovely.

some journal entries are dying to fly out of your head and onto a piece of paper. i don't have the discipline to journal everyday, but every once in awhile i get the urge and find later that it was truly therapeutic. the day i wrote this i remember that i started to sit down to read my bible after several days of not doing so.... i felt so empty and broken and sad that i'd yet again neglected my relationship with God. (i feel this depression comes once you've made an attempt of spending real time with Jesus on a daily basis for a long period of time and then lapse into lazy, old, and selfish habits.) near the end of my entry, God reminded me who He really is, which makes up for who I really am. i think this shows at the end. i had no intention of ending on a positive note, but that is the gift that God gave me.

my little mvp

second cutest dog ever:

kingsley

first cutest dog ever:

hehe. i win ;)

eclipse.

i am reading new moon for the 3rd time.

i finished twilight again while i was visiting nyc. i definitely loved reading it more than the first time, but not more than the second. i find myself lingering on little parts this time. small details like jasper putting his hand on the small of bella's back as he walks her through the airport. the way the cullen family just scoops bella up into their arms when they need to get her somewhere. of course we all appreciate edward's character. but the cullens are something special... they are the perfect in laws :)

did you know that jacob and isabella were the top baby names of 2009?! so even though bella will be the new "lindsay" of my graduating class, i don't care. my first daughter (if i have one i get to name) will still be bella!

i am currently trying to read new moon and eclipse so i get the timing right for the eclipse movie. i saw twilight for the first time when i was first reading through eclipse. with the books so fresh in my mind i absolutely beside myself with anticipation. with new moon the movie, i had re read the entire series and then had a month or two to wait. i wasn't as excited :/ this time around, i want to be like a junkie looking for a fix!! these books are so fantastic... i hope one day to have a little bella that i can share them with!

i am so lame!!!! :)

now... this i am ecstatic for!

i love that a dollar from each book sold will be donated to the red cross for their relief efforts in Haiti and Chile. woop!! love me some stephenie meyer!!

i'm home!!

yay, it's good to be back!! while i really enjoyed my time in new york, a huge part of me missed my midwest. new york definitely is a different place, with different manners and a different pace. i won't complain, but the best illustration i can give you is this:

on the shuttle after our delta flight to the laguardia airport, plenty of women were standing while plenty of men were sitting. no one gave up their seat. also, there wasn't any conversing. most people fiddled on their cell phones and avoided all possible eye contact.

on the shuttle after our flight home to indianapolis international airport, a man gave up his seat so that mikie and i could have one instead. people made eye contact, smiled, and spoke to each other. mikie had a conversation with a woman and her daughters from brownsburg. a man joked about bumping his head. a woman had a discussion about flight delays and additional charges.

most new yorkers were great, especially the man who helped us at butter lane and the woman who served us for brunch on sunday who wished mikie a happy mothers day 3 times :) but overall, i missed my midwest.

so i will start by posting pictures of alicia's view. i didn't take a ton of pictures and sorry, hannah, i'm not sure i have anything extraordinarily exciting to share with you aside from all my food stories.

alicia has an incredible view. it's a studio on the 7th floor of her building and she said the view is something she truly will miss once she moves to japan.

empire state building

the first night we were there we went to red mango !!! i had blueberry frozen yogurt, with mangoes and raspberries.

our first full day we were there we went to lunch at caracas arepa bar, which is a venezuelan place. i'd never had venezuelan food before, but it was pretty good! we all had an arepa, which is hard to describe. it's made out of a pita-like type of bread, only it's made from corn so it has a very strong corn flavor. it's sort of spongy and filled with all sorts of stuff. i had the "la mulata" arepa, which was filled with fried plantains (naners... that was the best part!), black beans, red peppers, jalapenos, and some sort of white cheese. this place also served some of the absolute best guacamole i've ever had! the chips that came with it were actually a sort of dried plantain... absolutely phenomenal! here's a picture of what an arepa looks like:

source

kind of a strange little guy, but very good nonetheless! for dinner that night, we enjoyed thai cuisine. i had pad see ew and thai iced coffee, of course. to be honest with you, it didn't compare to jasmine in my eyes but it was definitely good! the vibe of the restaurant was the best part. i wish i could remember the name... the decor was beautiful, the staff very friendly, and a little girl with her dad at the bar was a charming little new yorker!

that's all i got for now! :)

wanted.

if i broke out of jail and was wanted for murder this is what my wanted poster would look like.

hahaha times a thousand. this is by far the worst picture i have ever taken.

backstory:

this is my new license picture. tomorrow i am supposed to fly out to new york and of course, the plane ticket i have is for "misty spanburg." however, according to my license i am still "misty mason." yes, i know i am a terrible wife. thank goodness they were open (they usually aren't when it's an election day) because i'm pretty sure i wouldn't get through TSA's security with my ID listing one name and my plane ticket the other. i received a paper copy until my official license arrives in the mail, but was told that TSA must accept the paper copy because it has both a bar code and the official state seal. wish me luck and catch ya in a few days!!

*cue sex and the city 2 trailer music*

source

and it's official.

tim and i officially put our house up for sale today.

wow. my first house! it feels like a combination of surreal, sad, and excited. i got emotional the other day when i thought about all of the little decisions we made together as newlyweds. i remembered the conversation we had at lowes over light switch covers. he liked the cheap ones and the ones i preferred were a bit more expensive... but he caved because he loves me...

i don't know. it's silly, really. i will definitely miss this house, that's for sure. even the country has grown on me. i'll trade corn and friendly neighbors for a city where i won't know anyone. i think it's important to make this move though, because if we didn't, we would be apart 3-4 days a week so he could commute. the commuting costs and living expenses would make it even worse.

we are currently looking at different suburbs around the chicago area. deerfield, IL (home of trinity evangelical divinity school, a/k/a: TEDS) is apparently a part of the second richest county in the country. we are hoping to find a quaint little place close to a train station so that tim could just catch a train to school each day. with the cost of living being so high in deerfield, that would help us save some money.

we hope to sell our house by august. keep that in your prayers. if we don't, he'll commute to school until we do. we are hopeful, optimistic, and trusting that God will sort all this out in the end. tim will stay on part time with the church for the time being... he'll head home on the weekends a few times a month and i'll hopefully be joining him for at least two of those weekends.

5.

today bobbi asked me a very important question

if you had only 5 concerts left to see in your life

which 5 would you choose?

here are my 5

1 sufjan stevens

2 josh ritter

3 the avett brothers

4 david bazan

5 my brightest diamond

the avett brothers are the only band on this list i have yet to see. sufjan's concert was unbelievably romantic. my brightest diamond was the most impressive on a vocal scale. david bazan spoke to my heart. and josh ritter just plain put on the best show i've ever experienced.

tonight i've been a music listening fool. i was excited to clean my house as i listened to regina spektor, wilco, shane & shane, kristian stanfill, and sufjan stevens. i'd like to do that more often. trade general hospital & oprah for some avett brothers, coldplay, & david crowder. i don't even like kathie lee & hoda. why don't i pass on them and instead opt for josh ritter, fiona apple, or deftones?

so what would your 5 be? do share. if i had to make a guess, cookie (or are you sprinkle? i can't remember) one of yours would obviously be shane & shane. hannah i'd say yours would be... dave? do share!