the mister.

he's baaaaaack.

:)

best friend.

So my cute husband is gone for the week. He and eleven students, Tyler, & Rachel all drove down to Cleveland, TN to attend the Move conference.

I don't think I ever realized how good of a husband he is... until today.

:) I'm totally kidding. I know he's great, but seriously... I realized something as I was driving to work this morning.

Before he left, I had all these thoughts.

where the heck is the iPod charger?

where do we keep our food budget money?

why did the fan make an orange spark & a fiery noise this morning?

(answer: "dog was chewing on cord so be sure to unplug it when you get another one")

the bedroom windows get stuck & i can't get them open sometimes... what happens if it gets hot?

what do i do if my car breaks down?

where do we keep spare keys?

There were more... oh, there were more. Anyway, my point is: I NEED MY HUSBAND.

He knows where everything is, he's problem-solving chief, I know that I'm safe with him & can always count on him to take care of me.

Oh have I mentioned he's super cute.

With an awesome beard?

So needless to say, I really miss him. :(

tpg pt 2

"Honesty born of fear does nothing to root out the fundamental cause of evil in the world- the radical self-centeredness of the human heart."

"As long as you are trying to earn your salvation by controlling God through goodness, you will have to be sure you have been good enough for Him. You simply aren't sure God loves and delights in you."

how do we determine if we are plagued by the elder brother complex & doing our best to control God with goodness?

• if something goes wrong in our life, we immediately think it's because we're not living right enough. we think there is more we should be doing to receive God's love & care.
• criticism doesn't just hurt our feelings... it devastates us. it means that God's love has little power in our life and so to feel valued, we need the approval of others.
• we cannot let go of guilt and continuously punish ourselves for what we've done wrong
• "dry" prayer life without "wonder, awe, intimacy or delight in [our] conversations with God."

I'll write about the three forms of prayer later.

wilco will love ya, baby.

i

love

this

song

are you under the impression

this isn't your life?

do you dabble in depression?

is someone twisting a knife in your back?

are you being attacked?

oh, this is a fact that you need to know

Wilco

Wilco

Wilco will love you baby

are times getting tough?

are the roads you travel rough?

have you had enough of the old?

tired of being exposed to the cold?

stare of your stereo

put your headphones on before you explode

so many wars that just can't be won

even before the battle's begun

this is all of our arms open wide

sonic shoulder for you to cry

oh

Wilco

Wilco

Wilco will love you baby

-Wilco (The Song)-

the prodigal god.

I am very excited about a book I've been reading as of late.  The last "best book ever" I read that was non-fiction (because obviously, Twilight, A Long & Fatal Love Chase, and the Host would all reign in the fiction category) was Blue Like Jazz.  Totally amazing book, by the way, if you haven't read it already.  

Tim finally got me to start reading a little book that he read in like a day.  It's called A Reason for God by Tim Keller... and it, like Blue Like Jazz, has really opened my eyes to see the true condition of my heart.  It's always tough to work through your demons, but also crucial when it comes to your walk with Jesus.  

So I think in the next few days (or maybe today all at once) I'm going to post my favorite quotes, thoughts, & ideas.  I should probably also tell you what the book is really about.  Tim Keller basically takes the story of the Prodigal Son and looks at it from a very different perspective.  It's one I was never taught growing up.  Usually, the story has taught us that we can be the terrible, slimy creatures that we are and God will take us back with open arms.  And while that is part of it, one really fascinating thing about the story is the way that it ends.  

It simply ends with the "good" son, also known as the "elder brother," being angry with his father and refusing to join in on the feast.  He is angry that despite his efforts to be a "good" son who obeys and succeeds in life morally, his sinful younger brother is the one having a party thrown in his honor.  

The End.  That's it.  The story just stops right there.

I never gave much thought to it until now.  And the most important piece of this story puzzle is who Jesus is sharing this story with.  He's sharing it with the Pharisees AND the tax collectors & sinners.  

I'll write more later.

fasting.

My 4th of July was fantastic.  Some friends from the Oasis went over to celebrate with members of the Old Union Church.  I ended up having a ton of fun.  We ate hot dogs, listened to our worship band play (ps- they have a really hot drummer), listened to a great bluegrass band, enjoyed some ice cream, and watched fireworks in the rain.  It's hard to express the joy that I get from spending time with people who love Jesus & live their lives to serve Him.  You can see a difference in those kind of people.  It reminds me that I really need to surround myself with friends who encourage & push me in that direction.  

So this week's a little crazy.  I got a new boss & someone from work is on vacation.  That means I have to close an extra night and my schedule's a little weird.  I'm working six days in a row and I'm pretty sure that the only day I won't be crazy busy this week or the next will be... Thursday.  Saturday we're having a rummage sale at church and I'm pretty sure we'll be attending my cousin Kitlee's birthday party with my family.  Then next week is.... V.   B.   S.   oh boy :)  I love kids & cannot wait to have my own... but I will not lie, VBS wears me out.  Then the week after that, Tim will be gone to CIY.  

Sometimes when my schedule gets crazy, I get down & cranky.  Sometimes life just seems way too busy & complicated by things I don't want to do.  So here is my strategy to get through this: no soap operas for a week & no people.com for a week.  The soap opera thing sounds silly... but I'll come home from work, exhausted by being up at 4am and just lie on the couch for two hours watching soap operas.  We don't have cable, so that's really all I watch of TV, but I still feel it's a waste of time & a weird escape for me.  I need to read or sleep... that's what I need to do.  

It's supposed to take three weeks to make a habit... and this whole thing will be going on while Tim's at CIY so I'm praying I can make it happen.

Wish me luck!

=]

in the Light.

this has been stuck in my head for a few days now....

I keep trying to find a life

On my own, apart from you.

I am the king of excuses

I've got one for every selfish thing I do

What's going on inside of me?

I despise my own behavior

This only serves to confirm my suspicions

That I'm still a man in need of a Savior

I wanna be in the Light

as You are in the Light

I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens

Oh Lord be my Light and be my salvation

'Cause all I want is to be in the Light

All I want is to be in the Light

The disease of self runs through my blood

It's a cancer fatal to my soul

Every attempt on my behalf has failed

To bring this sickness under control

Honesty becomes me

There's nothing left to lose

The secrets that did run me

In Your presence are defused

Pride has no position

And riches have no worth

The fame that once did cover me

Has been sentenced to this earth

Have been sentenced to this earth

There's no other place that I want to be

No other place that I can see

A place to be that's just right

Someday I'm gonna be in the Light

That's where I need to be

That's right where I need to be

In the Light, DC Talk

num yummy....

best I've ever had

time to vent ok?

Lots of depressing things running through my head right now.  For some reason, I am constantly beating myself up for a standard that I cannot live up to.

Tim says...

(or rather, tim keller says....)

I make gods in my life (people-pleasing is current) and when I cannot live up to that, the People-Pleasing god will not forgive me because he doesn't exist and it results in depression & sadness.  I have no one to forgive me of that when I've made it a god.  

I know that makes no sense at all.  I get it in my head and will regret typing this tomorrow because it is too confusing for my limitation of words, but this is the way it is.

Anyway, I'm just selfish when it comes down to it.  I really do care what people think about me and it winds me up & stresses me out.  

That's all.  Here are some recent things I'm working on for the next month. (I always say I'm working on them but I'm asking my husband to hold me accountable so maybe this fast will last.)  

• Wind it down... RELAX and stop getting so worked up.
• Cut back on the caffeine... it changes my personality, dude.
• No soap operas.... I know this is silly, but I will turn on the TV & blankly stare @ bad TV for at LEAST one hour a day.
• Stop checking people.com.... I love fashion & clothes... I cannot spend lots of money on clothes because I am not supposed to be materialistic... so I look @ gowns & cool outfits on People... then get tricked into the gossip & I'm tired of it.
• Read more... no people & no soaps will provide more free time.
• Become a gossip-free zone.... at work, I don't mean to.... but I get caught up in the gossip.  I think this is the most embarrassing because I've become the chief of sinners @ this.  No venting, no nothing.  I'm always going to go straight to the source.  Believe it or not, I HATE it... so it's terrible to sometimes hate what you've become.
• Check the Internet, like, once a day.  I'M WASTING SO MUCH TIME!!

So this is all.  I'm a bit down on myself & sort of coming to grips with some sin..... I'm done with all this venting now.  

I'm going to go watch Sermon#2 of the Songs of Solomon series with my beautiful bearded husband now.  I am blessed, really.

friday night

So last night was crazy!  There was a huge wave of storms heading right for Jamestown... we knew what to expect.  When the tornado sirens went off, my plan was just to go into my bedroom closet (no basement so it's the only safe place to go, I guess) and cover ourselves with pillows & blankets, but the man of the house decided we were going to the church basement.  We live just down the street from the church so it was going to take us 30 seconds to get there... but I was flipping out!  I gathered a blanket & three pillows and stood by the door, while Tim seemed to be taking his time to find his shoes & shirt.  I kept yelling, "Come on, Come on!" and he kept saying, "We're fine... we have a few minutes."  Then he decided he had to find a radio, but it was taking him, in my opinion, far too long to do that.  Then had the nerve to ask me, "Do you want a book?"  My response: "NO I DON'T WANT A BOOK... COME........ ON!!!!!"  haha, it was like a scene from a movie, I swear.  

Anyway, we went to the church basement & got under a bench w/our crazy dog who has no fear of storms.  Once the radio said it had passed, we came home.  We're not sure if it was a tornado or not, (a man was around our neighborhood trying to assess whether or not what happened was straight-line winds or a tornado... he hadn't come to a conclusion when Tim talked to him last) but we had huge trees just twist off and land on things.  My neighbor's swing set was crushed by a tree, fences were down, a huge tree in a lady's backyard had been completely uprooted.  What amused me, though, was the fact that next to the giant, uprooted tree on its side was a tiny, little bush with the the little store tag still attached.  

So that was my night.  We were also able to spend some time out w/our neighbors... in a small town, when a storm hits & people don't have power, we all come outside to assess the damage & hang out. 

:)

Courtesy of Acts

Some things to know about the early believers:

• They were devoted to Teaching, Fellowship, Sharing the Lord's Supper, & Prayer.
• They met together all the time.
• They shared everything they owned.
• They sold the things they owned to share with those in need.
• They worshipped at the temple everyday.
• They met in each other's houses for the Lord's Supper.
• They shared meals with joy and generosity.
• They praised God.
• They didn't consider possessions to be their own.
• They had a daily 3:00 prayer service.
• They prayed for boldness & courage... and God gave it to them.
• There was no poverty amongst them.

"There is salvation in no one else!  There is no other name in all of Heaven for people to call on to save them."    

Acts 4:12

p.s.

loved it!

valerian root.

I went & paid Bob a visit probably a couple of months ago... had him order me some valerian mint tea.  I am SUPER excited to try this, seeing as how when I've had it in the past, sleep is a breeze.  I need to find a way to nod off a bit earlier than I've been doing lately.  Each week when I get to Friday, I feel dead.  So here I go.  Steeped it for seven minutes... it smells a little crazy but will hopefully be delicious.  Asleep by nine??  That would be delicious.

zzzzzz

then & now

Logged into myspace today and was reading through the little blogs I would sometime post.  This one is quite fascinating.

In 1960, a bottle of Coke was 6.5 ounces.  Now, Coke offers a bottle that holds 20 ounces.

In 1960, an average serving of pasta was 1.5 ounces.  Now, a serving size is double that.

In 1972, McDonald's large fries were 3.5 ounces.  Now, large fries can feed three people.

In 1984, the recipe on a bag of Nestle Toll House semi-sweet chocolate chips made 100 cookies.  Now the same recipe makes just 60.

Courtesy of Fitness Magazine

speaking of cookies, I have some to make today for a church cookout tomorrow.  I've decided I'm going to read through Acts to see if I can begin to paint the right picture in my mind of what a church should look like.  ta ta for now.

have i mentioned i love quotes?

You're never whole once you struggle with idolizing perfection. Anytime you allow something to be a little god in your life, (...I think...) you'll encounter struggles with it for the rest of your life.  I am not whole, but praise God I am new.

a favorite of mine that aided in a lot of healing.  

"A clone of the shapeless, androgynous models, the hairless, silicone-implanted porn stars. Somehow we, in defiance of nature, would have toothpick thighs and burgeoning bosoms, buns of steel and dainty firm delts. As Andy Warhol wrote, 'The more you look at the same exact thing...the better and emptier you feel.'"

-Marya Hornbacher, Wasted

kimchi & blue

Anyone who knows me knows that I don't spend a lotta money on clothes.  Definitely wish I could, but it's just not in the cards :)  When Tim & I were on our honeymoon in Arizona, I discovered Urban Outfitters.  That's a terrible discovery to make, let me tell you.  (It's just hard to justify spending sixty dollars on a SHIRT.)  Tiffany knows of my love for the place and so for Christmas,  I received a gift card.

The depression deepened. :)

So with my 25 dollar or so gift card I bought.... a scarf.  That's it.  Spent the whole thing!!  It took me two visits to decide what I would spend it all on... the first try.... you can ask Tim, I swear, I almost had an anxiety attack.  

Anyway, when Tim & I were in Arizona, one of my favorite shirts he bought for me (Clearance!... it only felt right shopping from the clearance rack) came from the clothing line Kimchi & Blue.  I love these clothes and they for some reason inspire me... but alas, they are just a dream.  :)

Kimchi & Blue

new addition to the Spanburg family

We found him.

He is

miniature

long-haired

sable

boy

daschund!!!!!!!!

We're picking him up tomorrow.  It feels like Christmas Eve again ... when I was like four years old that is.

Now to decide on a name.

Steve?

or

Nash?

I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!

9 to 5 mantra

servants

do what you're told by your earthly masters

and don't just do the minimum that will get you by

do your best

work from the heart for your real Master, for God

confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance

keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ

Colossians 3:23-24, The Message