this week

i have a LOT to do this next week.

today: church, yoga, clean my house for the kids coming over tonight, straight to work

tomorrow: be at work in the morning, work till 6:45 (meetings & a long day!), yoga, shower, bible reading, then bed because i have to open the next morning

tuesday: open at work, go shoe shopping and grab something to eat with my soul mate, come home, eat dinner, yoga, bible reading, bed

wednesday: work 8-4, maybe have time to come home and do yoga but i'm not counting on it, i'll probably need to clean my house, then we have youth group that night. need to go to bed early because i open on thursday.

thursday: i open and work until 10. i have a hair appointment at 3. (new person... wish me luck!) i have worship practice at like 7:30 at church. i'm going to really try and go to the gym that day (haha!) and tim and i will reallly need to practice our song for the wedding. he can't be at the rehearsal dinner on friday, which makes me nervous, because we won't be able to practice the song for them then AND we won't be able to practice our dance down the aisle! i am crossing my fingers... maybe we can go to church and practice this day.

this may not seem like a whole lot, but somewhere in there i have to not completely destroy my house with my lack of time, and i already feel so behind on everything as it is. today is my 5th day working in a row... and i have 4 more to go. it helps me to have everything planned out, that's for sure. one of the reasons i was so motivated to not waste time the other day was because i knew 9 days in a row of work meant that i'd have to be very careful with my time in order to get things done. wish me luck!

oh, and why all the yoga? this coming weekend, it will officially have been 3 months since i have last seem james my chiropractor!! yay for me!

with regard to time wasting...

lately i wish so badly that i could be deep and share something important.

but deep i'm just not at the moment and so i'll continue to be self absorbed.. even though this is sort of a journal and it's how you're supposed to be when you write a journal...

I'MGOINGTOSTOPAPOLOGIZINGFORTHEFACTTHATMYBLOGISNOTCOOLANDISINFACTAJOURNAL!!!!

haha ok anyways...

today i made a pointed effort NOT to waste my time. there were a few things that i did to help this.

after i completed a task, i made a mental note of where i was at in my day and what i needed to do next. it really helped!! i didn't dilly dally and found myself to be more efficient than i usually am.

i also didn't plop down in the computer chair with my work clothes on. our computer room is FREEZING and i end up being really cold and lazy and don't want to do anything anymore. cold+lazy=lethargic. so i came home, put all my work stuff away and took nash out to potty, picked up his poop (don't even ask me to start on THAT topic), took all the dirty towels out to the garage, put all of my work stuff away, placed my book and Bible in the place i'll need them later when i want to read them, put my gym stuff up, changed into my workout clothes, and did yoga. THEN i checked my email & such. brilliant!

i've been consuming nutritious foods for the past few days. i know this doesn't seem like a way to be frugal with your time, but i'm telling you... i have a major mental focus when i've been eating the healthy foods. (haha, i accidentally just spelled that "foos") i'm just clearer and i really like it. now i also like sugar almost as much so talk to me when lent's over.

i did yoga. see above for the reason this helps me save time.

i did some dishes BEFORE dinner and now i have clean counters which will help me stay organized while i make dinner.

right now i am planning my exact first steps to making dinner so when i'm done with this, i can go right at it!

there were some other things but i can't remember them at the moment. it feels good to be efficient. i hope i can keep up with it and lose my lazy streak. my mother in law said the other day she has to limit herself to getting on the computer and surfing to once every four days. she said, "it's almost sinful so i have to be careful." i remember her saying the same thing one time about soap operas and how she had to give them up. she is a pretty wise lady and i swore off the soap operas. (every once in awhile i'll switch them on while i clean house or am taking a nap.. but that's all!!) so now i just want to be a better steward of my time.

now i get to look forward to working at being a better steward of my money once this is mastered!

uhhhh...

hold on, i gotta put some chicken in the oven!

alright, much better. i was getting too cold!

so tiffany i have a confession, i cheated sunday. and then i may have cheated another day but i don't know if the other day counted b/c i honestly forgot. sunday i was emotional and my hands looked a hot mess and they were soooo inflamed so i at a maple scone. tim said it doesn't count because it's a scone and he doesn't consider that a dessert, but i do because it is covered in icing. then another morning at work i was hungry and some coffee cake had to be marked out (BUT in my defense it was verry berry and so at least it had fruit in it... right.) and i absent-mindedly took a bite and that was it... then i realized later that it was lent and i was a failure. so then i had a CRUMB from a classic coffee cake and one LICK of icing from a lemon loaf. i'm blaming that on my sugar withdrawl. remember that story that i told you about not eating enough and waking up the next morning with an empty bag of goldfish by my bed and goldfish all over my stomach with no recollection of what had happened? well i think it was sort of like that. then another day i was in all or nothing mode and had a couple of chocolate covered peanuts and was about to say "screw it" with lent (this was like day 6, i think) but tim told me to go get goldfish and not to bring any treats back with me when i went to the IGA for pancake syrup. and i didn't.

i'm here to tell you now that i am reformed. i repented and extended a few days at the end of my lent sentence. even though i messed up i'm going to stick with it... i think there is beauty in that. even if it is just scones and chocolate covered peanuts, ultimately, isn't it about redemption and new beginnings? it's getting a little easier now. at church on wednesday, someone brought a melted chocolate centere WARM bundt cake (kind of like the molten bundt cake from barnes & noble.......mm i think i just sinned thinking about it) and some of the women were like, "eat it, you already screwed up" and other women were like, " mmmmmm this is so good" (making love to their forks i might add). but i said no, ate my apple and drank my passion tea with eight pounds of cinnamon powder and listened to jesus.

ps this is why i hate women

thought i should share and think you should share. if you haven't messed up please continue to be better than me. if not, come clean.

haha

well that's all for now. love you world and goodnight.

dear tazo

dear tazo,

you have changed my life with these new full-leaf teas of yours.

there were so many before i ignored:

REFRESH.

chai

passion!

...calm...

and now something new to discover

orange blossom

vanilla rooibos

and then the ones to love even more

earl grey

ZEN

china green tips

thank you so much for saving me from all of the coffee induced comas

i would have struggled through without you

thanks for sitting by me as i try to warm up in the cold computer room

even more thanks for warming my belly

keeping me healthy

and being an experience

i am a dork

and yet i don't care

i will forever profess my love for you!!

(and your colleagues of course)

probably the most pointless entry ever

but i feel like saying hi to maybe the two people who look at this.

hi!! :)

ok now that's outta the way i'm just going to ramble about some things to look forward to/going on/whatever.

1. rachel & tyler get married soon (!!!) very excited about that. we spent some QT with them last night and it was great. feels good to have a young (soon-to-be) married couple to hang out with that loves jesus as we do.

2. rachel's mom's makin' us jewelry which is pretty sweet and hopefully i'll get my dress soon.

3. hannah's taking rachel's pictures for the wedding which should make the day even funnER.

4. tyler is giving his groomsmen fedoras for dancing down the aisle in. fun day. fun times.

5. my hands are still jacked up. don't know what's wrong with them but DON'T whatever you do look at pictures of eczema online. it will freak you out how bad that crap can get. you just might happen up on an "eczema buttocks" picture that you NEVER EVER wanted to see. EVER. it's only super bad when i'm still and relaxing and guess can notice it. so i'll be busy until i can get in to see the dermatologist.

6. i have monday and tuesday off. i hope i can get an appt monday. but today is my friday. TGIF!

7. i had ham loaf today & i love ham loaf.

8. i'll be singing with the praise team next sunday and i'm super excited.

9. each day this week i'm going to get up at least 15 minutes early (15 minutes minimum for my opens) to read my bible and pray. i know it's small.. not much time... but it's a way i'm trying to make daily devotions a priority in my life. i'm not so consistent and i want to be. i think this discipline will be good for me

10. 3:45 is earrrrrrly.

11. i like the people i work with on sundays. they make me smile.

12. i had a great morning with jesus @ church.

13. i'm a bit self involved today :)

lent and eczema

sweets

carbonated beverages

all fast food except for subway

PIZZA.

this is what tim and i are giving up for lent.

tiffany joined forces with the sweets and fast food...

so that will help with the accountability factor.

:)

i dont' think i've ever actually followed through

with a lent commitment before.

but i'm asking God to teach me a lot

in the meantime

and we'll see where this fasting takes me.

some may say "big deal you're giving up cake"

but to those of you know know tim, tiffany, and i intimately

this is a big deal we are giving up cake.

also,

i have eczema (i think)

that's what hannah's anthony thought other day

and my skin is itchy and uncomfortable.

i hope it gets better because i am getting crankier by the day

with all this itching.

page 181

I hosted a bridal shower this past weekend.

It was fun but I was overly anxious. Anxiety creeps up on me sometimes. It cripples my joy and causes me to question myself and my abilities. Occasionally I get a little angry with God for making me this way. Somtimes I find ways to deal with it all. A cup of tea. Some yoga the night before. I count on myself to deal with trouble. When really, all things are a gift from God.

I would like to start trusting in my Heavenly Father. I no longer want to expect that I deserve anything. In the past, I've been angry with God because of depression or trouble. I want to thank God in all circumstances... Like Corrie ten Boom did with encouragement from her sister Betsie as they were held prisoner at an extermination camp in Ravensbruck, Germany. (except my story will never even come close to being so challenging)

Even as they were crammed onto platforms of foul straw and being bit by fleas, Betsie encouraged her sister to thank God for what He had given them. As Betsie thanks God for the fleas, Corrie is astonished and says even God cannot make her thankful for the fleas.

""Give thanks in all circumstances,'" she [Betsie] quoted. "It doesn't say 'in pleasant circumstances.' Fleas are part of this place where God has put us."

And so we stood between piers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas.

Later on you read that the two women are able to witness to the other prisoners in their barracks. They regularly hold prayer services and translate the Bible for women in different languages. It is there that God leads countless people to Himself. They are puzzled how the guards leave them alone, seeing as how Bible possession and prayer is not allowed. How they managed to smuggle the Bible into Ravensbruck to begin with is an incredible miracle. Then they find out why the guards have left them alone to preach the Gospel:

the guards do not want to even enter the barracks because everything is so flea infested. The filth that Betsie and Corrie endure and thanked God for is the very blessing that allowed them to reach the lost.

page 47

"Corrie," he began instead, "do you know what hurts so very much? It's love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain.

"There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill the love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or, Corrie, we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel.

"God loves Karel-even more than you do-and if you ask Him, He will give you His love for this man, a love nothing can prevent, nothing destroy. Whenever we cannot love in the old, human way, corrie, God can give us the perfect way."

I did not know, as I listened to Father's footsteps winding back down the stairs, that he had given me more than the key to this hard moment. I did not know that he had put into my hands the secret that would open far darker rooms than this- places where there was not, on a human level, anything to love at all.

I was still in kindergarten in these matters of love. My task just then was to give up my feeling for Karel without giving up the joy and wonder that had grown with it. And so, that very hour, lying there on my bed, I whispered the enormous prayer:

"Lord, I give to You the way I feel about Karel, my thoughts about our future- oh, You know! Everything! Give me Your way of seeing Karel instead. Help me to love him that way. That much."

And even as I said the words I fell asleep.

page 67

Corrie has just left her bed in the middle of the night because she cannot sleep. After hearing someone moving about in the kitchen, she goes downstairs to drink tea and talk with her sister. When she gets back to her bed, she discovers a long, sharp piece of metal on her pillow that cuts her fingers.

I raced down the stairs with the shrapnel shard in my hand. We went back to the dining room and stared at it in the light while Betsie bandaged my hand. "On your pillow," she kept saying.

"Betsie, if I hadn't heard you in the kitchen....."

But Betsie put a finger on my mouth. "Don't say it, Corrie! There are no 'if's' in God's world. And no places that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety... O Corrie, let us pray that we may always know it!"

page 21

Childhood scenes rushed back at me out of the night, strangely close and urgent. Today I know that such memories are the key not to the past, but to the future. I know that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do.

The Hiding Place,

Corrie ten Boom

page 42

But our well-meant words were useless. In front of us the proud face crumpled; Tante Jans put her hands over her eyes and began to cry. "Empty, empty!" she choked at last through her tears. "How can we bring anything to God? What does He care for our little tricks and trinkets?"

And then as we listened in disbelief she lowered her hands and with tears still coursing down her face whispered, "Dear Jesus, I thank You that we must come with empty hands. I thank You that You have done all--all--on the Cross, and that all we need in life or death is to be sure of this."

The Hiding Place,

Corrie ten Boom

happy valentines day.

Poetry has never really done it for me.

Song lyrics have always been all the poetry I've ever needed.

Which is why I'll constantly be posting song lyrics

Or quoting them in my journals.

The emotion and power music possesses...

Matched with a beautiful voice...

And lyrics that can say it better than you could ever say yourself

All help me make sense of what I'm feeling sometimes.

I love the lyrics to this song so much

that I put them on the back page of my wedding programs.

I didn't originally want to have wedding programs.

I kinda thought they were a waste of paper

and a waste of time

(I only had six months to plan my wedding)

But then I thought that because music means so much to my husband and I

that I ought to have a song that perfectly explains who he is to me

What he rescued me from

And how he changed my life.

(I also wanted to remember his grandparents who were no longer with us)

So at the last minute,

I printed 250 or so programs with the lyrics to this very special song.

I'll be the grapes fermented

Bottled and served with the table set in my finest suit

Like a perfect gentlemen

I'll be the fire escape that bolted to the ancient brick

Where you will sit and contemplate your day

I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning

In an open tab when your judgments on the brink

I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite albums back

As you're lying there, drifting off to sleep

I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you

You won't have to strain to look into my eyes

I'll be your winter coat

Buttoned and zipped straight to the throat

With the collar up so you won't catch cold

I want to take you far from the cynics in this town

And kiss you on the mouth

We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene

Start a brand new colony

Where everything will change

We'll give ourselves new names

(Identities erased)

The sun will heat the grounds

Under our bare feet in this brand new colony

Everything will change

Brand New Colony,

The Postal Service