I've been doing some thinking lately. Honestly, I've been sort of searching for and trying to develop relationships that just fit. That may not make sense to you, but I come packaged with all sorts of weird social issues. I love people, don't get me wrong....
I am rarely just comfortable in the moment. I do feel rather at ease with my husband. That is a bond I never understood until the day that I got married. There is something very special that develops. Two bodies, hearts, and minds come together to become one. 'Nuff said. When I'm with my kids at Oasis, I feel relaxed and at ease. I feel they are part of my purpose at this point in my life. Maybe that is the reason for the ease. Then I have many constants in my life. My family, Tiffany, the Illgs, my in-laws, Heather, etc.... Who I love & have blessed me with so much love, grace, and joy..... but because I am an overanalyzer, at times I feel strange... but that's just me being awkward =) No big deal.
There are two places in which I've recently felt really lost: at work and at church. At work, I'm the new kid so I guess it's understandable. At church, I'm the only one my age and at my specific stage in life. So I guess I have a hard time relating.... and I'm so hypersensitive that I feel most of the time that people (including many of the constants in my life) don't want to be around me or find me that interesting. And that is okay, I guess. I have tried to tell myself that it really doesn't matter. I don't have to be anything special to anyone else because God is working in my life & loves me like nobody else could.
So I am reading through Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. (I love him.) He sort of worked through an idea using the story of the Fall & Adam & Eve being naked. I'll try to quote some parts of what he wrote.
"The idea of clothes had never crossed their minds. And I know you think I am being immature by bringing this up, but the thing is, Moses repeated this idea five times....... If you ask me, the most obvious thing that happened after the Fall was that people started wearing all kinds of clothes.......Here is what I think Moses was saying: Man is wired so he gets his glory (this security, his understanding of value, his feeling of purpose, his feeling of rightness with his maker, his security for eternity) from God, and this relationship is so strong, and God's love is so pure, that Adam and Eve felt no insecurity at all, so much so that they walked around naked and didn't even realize they were naked. But when that relationship was broken, they knew it instantly.
If man was wired so that something outside himself told him who he was, and if God's presence was giving him a feeling of fulfillment, then when that relationship was broken, man would be pining for other people to tell him that he was good, right, okay with the world, and eternally secure. As I wrote earlier, we all compare ourselves to others, and none of our emotions- like jealousy and envy and lust- could exist unless man was wired so that somebody else told him who he was, and that somebody else was gone."
Hello.
No comments:
Post a Comment