lent and eczema

sweets

carbonated beverages

all fast food except for subway

PIZZA.

this is what tim and i are giving up for lent.

tiffany joined forces with the sweets and fast food...

so that will help with the accountability factor.

:)

i dont' think i've ever actually followed through

with a lent commitment before.

but i'm asking God to teach me a lot

in the meantime

and we'll see where this fasting takes me.

some may say "big deal you're giving up cake"

but to those of you know know tim, tiffany, and i intimately

this is a big deal we are giving up cake.

also,

i have eczema (i think)

that's what hannah's anthony thought other day

and my skin is itchy and uncomfortable.

i hope it gets better because i am getting crankier by the day

with all this itching.

page 181

I hosted a bridal shower this past weekend.

It was fun but I was overly anxious. Anxiety creeps up on me sometimes. It cripples my joy and causes me to question myself and my abilities. Occasionally I get a little angry with God for making me this way. Somtimes I find ways to deal with it all. A cup of tea. Some yoga the night before. I count on myself to deal with trouble. When really, all things are a gift from God.

I would like to start trusting in my Heavenly Father. I no longer want to expect that I deserve anything. In the past, I've been angry with God because of depression or trouble. I want to thank God in all circumstances... Like Corrie ten Boom did with encouragement from her sister Betsie as they were held prisoner at an extermination camp in Ravensbruck, Germany. (except my story will never even come close to being so challenging)

Even as they were crammed onto platforms of foul straw and being bit by fleas, Betsie encouraged her sister to thank God for what He had given them. As Betsie thanks God for the fleas, Corrie is astonished and says even God cannot make her thankful for the fleas.

""Give thanks in all circumstances,'" she [Betsie] quoted. "It doesn't say 'in pleasant circumstances.' Fleas are part of this place where God has put us."

And so we stood between piers of bunks and gave thanks for fleas.

Later on you read that the two women are able to witness to the other prisoners in their barracks. They regularly hold prayer services and translate the Bible for women in different languages. It is there that God leads countless people to Himself. They are puzzled how the guards leave them alone, seeing as how Bible possession and prayer is not allowed. How they managed to smuggle the Bible into Ravensbruck to begin with is an incredible miracle. Then they find out why the guards have left them alone to preach the Gospel:

the guards do not want to even enter the barracks because everything is so flea infested. The filth that Betsie and Corrie endure and thanked God for is the very blessing that allowed them to reach the lost.

page 47

"Corrie," he began instead, "do you know what hurts so very much? It's love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain.

"There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill the love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or, Corrie, we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel.

"God loves Karel-even more than you do-and if you ask Him, He will give you His love for this man, a love nothing can prevent, nothing destroy. Whenever we cannot love in the old, human way, corrie, God can give us the perfect way."

I did not know, as I listened to Father's footsteps winding back down the stairs, that he had given me more than the key to this hard moment. I did not know that he had put into my hands the secret that would open far darker rooms than this- places where there was not, on a human level, anything to love at all.

I was still in kindergarten in these matters of love. My task just then was to give up my feeling for Karel without giving up the joy and wonder that had grown with it. And so, that very hour, lying there on my bed, I whispered the enormous prayer:

"Lord, I give to You the way I feel about Karel, my thoughts about our future- oh, You know! Everything! Give me Your way of seeing Karel instead. Help me to love him that way. That much."

And even as I said the words I fell asleep.

page 67

Corrie has just left her bed in the middle of the night because she cannot sleep. After hearing someone moving about in the kitchen, she goes downstairs to drink tea and talk with her sister. When she gets back to her bed, she discovers a long, sharp piece of metal on her pillow that cuts her fingers.

I raced down the stairs with the shrapnel shard in my hand. We went back to the dining room and stared at it in the light while Betsie bandaged my hand. "On your pillow," she kept saying.

"Betsie, if I hadn't heard you in the kitchen....."

But Betsie put a finger on my mouth. "Don't say it, Corrie! There are no 'if's' in God's world. And no places that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety... O Corrie, let us pray that we may always know it!"

page 21

Childhood scenes rushed back at me out of the night, strangely close and urgent. Today I know that such memories are the key not to the past, but to the future. I know that the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work He will give us to do.

The Hiding Place,

Corrie ten Boom

page 42

But our well-meant words were useless. In front of us the proud face crumpled; Tante Jans put her hands over her eyes and began to cry. "Empty, empty!" she choked at last through her tears. "How can we bring anything to God? What does He care for our little tricks and trinkets?"

And then as we listened in disbelief she lowered her hands and with tears still coursing down her face whispered, "Dear Jesus, I thank You that we must come with empty hands. I thank You that You have done all--all--on the Cross, and that all we need in life or death is to be sure of this."

The Hiding Place,

Corrie ten Boom

happy valentines day.

Poetry has never really done it for me.

Song lyrics have always been all the poetry I've ever needed.

Which is why I'll constantly be posting song lyrics

Or quoting them in my journals.

The emotion and power music possesses...

Matched with a beautiful voice...

And lyrics that can say it better than you could ever say yourself

All help me make sense of what I'm feeling sometimes.

I love the lyrics to this song so much

that I put them on the back page of my wedding programs.

I didn't originally want to have wedding programs.

I kinda thought they were a waste of paper

and a waste of time

(I only had six months to plan my wedding)

But then I thought that because music means so much to my husband and I

that I ought to have a song that perfectly explains who he is to me

What he rescued me from

And how he changed my life.

(I also wanted to remember his grandparents who were no longer with us)

So at the last minute,

I printed 250 or so programs with the lyrics to this very special song.

I'll be the grapes fermented

Bottled and served with the table set in my finest suit

Like a perfect gentlemen

I'll be the fire escape that bolted to the ancient brick

Where you will sit and contemplate your day

I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning

In an open tab when your judgments on the brink

I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite albums back

As you're lying there, drifting off to sleep

I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you

You won't have to strain to look into my eyes

I'll be your winter coat

Buttoned and zipped straight to the throat

With the collar up so you won't catch cold

I want to take you far from the cynics in this town

And kiss you on the mouth

We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene

Start a brand new colony

Where everything will change

We'll give ourselves new names

(Identities erased)

The sun will heat the grounds

Under our bare feet in this brand new colony

Everything will change

Brand New Colony,

The Postal Service