green monster.

so i found a new smoothie to be obsessed with

via

green monster movement

i've always included spinach in my smoothie

but never so much that i wound up with a nasty moustache

hot, right?

apparently, i enjoy posting embarrassing stuff

:)

if you have a blender,

give it a shot

it's amazing how 3 cups of spinach

instantly makes you feel healthy

and can even mentally motivate you

out of your bad food slump

come on, we all have 'em.

have you seen this yet?

the hand motions KILL me. they absolutely kill me.

for your entertainment...

this was posted todayon a high school friend's wall and brought to my attention.

i would like to forewarn you: this is UTTERLY embarrassing for me.

you can tell by my speech that i still have braces

and what's with those dance moves?!

BUT i love you guys too much not to not let you enjoy

my high school show choir competition solo days.

and yes, i am a youtube star.

today, i am thankful for

• a dog to take naps with
• family visits (to us and to them)
• true Chicago style hot dog eating in Chicago
• time to spend with the husband
• having husband tell me i love blogging and to do it again because it makes me happy
• mad men season 4 coming out tomorrow

(hello, donald draper)

:)

• sister's free DVD copies that come with her blu ray movies
• a God who loves me and forgives me even when i fail to see his blessings

new favorite.

if you would like to try a really awesome hummus recipe

go here

the other recipe i shared awhile back is fantastic

when enjoyed with pita chips

but if you want a really good one that goes well

with cucumbers, carrots, peppers,

this is your recipe.

happy hummus love!

just so ya know...

hello.

so i finally decided to give a little update and say why i haven't been blogging as of late.

i feel that sometimes i've lived a little too much of my life through a computer. although i love that i can give my friends updates on how my week is going and what's going on in my new life, i just haven't been feeling up to it lately.

this winter was particularly hard for me. (i speak in past tense because green things are growing, which means SPRING, baby!) these past couple of weeks, i've been trying to make an effort to get up, get moving, clean, run errands, be a part of a Bible study, serve somewhere, make phone calls, send birthday cards, make hummus, cook more food, study a lot, make more time for prayer, love on my husband when he's around, get a haircut, go to the dentist, go to the doctor. when you're "in a funk" or "depressed" or whatever you want to call it, the simplest things can so hard and just plain overwhelming. i haven't done everything on the list just yet, but i'm forcing myself to start doing the everyday things i've neglected since our move. i have to. blogging just hasn't felt really important, fun, or authentic in awhile so hence the rest.

hmm...

i love documenting our lives and memories. it's a lot of fun to look back on these things.... i wish i had more of a drive but i really just don't right now. so maybe i'll start up again next week. maybe it will take until i've conquered the depression 100%.... or maybe it'll be when tim and i have some kids.... i'm not sure, but for right now, i have to focus on my healing up... after a 3 month long complete lack of motivation, i have a lot to keep me busy.

i get to go home for my sister's bridal shower this weekend... and i'm really looking forward to it. then next week, my in laws are coming to visit and miraculously, i'm off the entire weekend. i pray you are all well and much love to ya.

my man, the weekend, & sugar is crack.

i just have to take one moment to tell you all how proud i am of this guy.

not only does he work 80+ hours a week

furthering his education to later provide for his family

and serving a church as worship pastor to currently provide for his family

but he is a great dad to our little Nash

i still walk in the bedroom to find tim lying on the bed,

holding Nash like a baby even on his busiest day.

he also lost 6 pounds last week.

(holy biggest loser, batman.)

and got an A in his Greek class.

he's smart.

has a beard.

and puts Jesus first.

what more could you ask for?

in other news,

i had a lovely weekend with family.

i inherited a lot of clothes that actually fit

(lacey)

enjoyed cappuccino, laughs, and some good food

(family)

little update for those of you who are aware that Alicia is currently working in Japan:

she lives in Tokyo and her apartment got tossed around a bit, but overall everything is ok. she actually landed in South Korea earlier today, where she will be stationed for awhile. i believe the official reason has to do with the lack of resources currently available... it's sort of a huge relief for us... although it's hard to tell what's really going on with the nuclear plants, i think we'd all just really prefer her to be somewhere else right now.

and last,

i realized today that my mood is directly related to my sugar intake.

would it be worth it to do a part-lent?

for this reason?

because that's not healthy.

i can feel the prayers...

so thank you, kindly.

self absorption.

got

to

work

on

this

.

perfect 10 update

hullo!

having a good day today.

i have the evening off so i get to make dinner for that cute husband of mine

before i have to work 6 nights in row

then it's time for a weekend trip home!

gosh, i can't wait to see all my family.

(ps... "family" being both of ours... i love them each so, so much)

so this perfect 10 book...

i'm not 100% sold on everything. i'm only still reading through the early stages of the book.... and i'd like to do more research on it all (maybe i should call doctor oz to see what he thinks... i trust him with my life, haha!) but i am buying into the whole natural deal. i would like to stop being scared of fat... this idea has definitely been circulating for some time... all of the nonfat products they fed us ended up being hydrogenated or loaded with high fructose corn syrup, which we now know is killer and contributed to diabetes earlier and earlier in life.

the first step (one that scares the crap outta me) for me personally was to switch from nonfat to whole. i must admit, i was terrified. i love whole milk cappucinos... but when you compare nonfat to whole as far as calories and fat are concerned, it's like the end of the world. one thing i understood right away is that moderation is key. of course it isn't ideal to consume 3 cups of whole milk a day. why not try 1 or 1.5. some days i wasn't even consuming milk... instead i'd eat foods that were heavily processed (like breakfast sandwiches) and had double the fat of a glass of milk anyway. now that i'm trying to cut out that processed food i have room for a little more fat. i definitely want to see where this leads me. a co-worker of mine told me he'd had some blood work done recently. his doctor determined he had a vitamin D defiiciency and put him on a vitamin D supplement and told him to start drinking whole milk. that's another idea the author of the perfect 10 diet talks about: the nutrients we lose when we take the fat out of our foods. so of course if i gain 15 lbs or something i'll stop drinking the milk. obviously, that wouldn't be healthy. but again, i would like to see where this takes me. maybe... just maybe... i'll feel better through the extra vitamin D my body has trouble absorbing just solely through a supplement. maybe i'll feel fuller longer. i'm keeping a little food journal to see where i'm at in a couple of weeks. oh, and sugar and i are going to end our love affair if it kills me. i haven't had a pastry in several days and that, folks, is an accomplishment.

today has been awesome so far. i had some ezekiel toast with an egg fried in butter (not canola oil spray). i had a yogurt, banana, berry smoothie (that, i had to use nonfat for.. husband's not going for the whole milk idea as of yet... so that's what i have at home). for my first 10 minute break i had 1/4 cup of oatmeal with about 1/6 cup of whole milk, a few almonds, cinnamon, agave nectar. that was awesome. then for my lunch break, i had a kashi cereal with 1/2 cup of whole milk. of course, the menu for dinner consists of chicken soft tacos, zatarans rice, and corn... and tomorrow i plan to make a soup with a bunch of canned ingredients... but i'm making smaller strides that i think might count at the end of the day.

i really want to feel better. i want to have more energy. and i don't want to be addicted to foods that jack my hormones all up.

so there it is in a nutshell.

thank you, Love.

can i tell you just how good my husband is to me?

so silly... it's in the little things I really see his heart.

today started off as a rough morning. i did my best to get up once the alarm went off, i made myself breakfast, i even did Bible reading immediately following breakfast, but after that, i wanted to go back to bed. and so i did. tim came out of the shower and asked me what i was doing. i said, "laying down." he asked if i was tired. i said, "maybe. i don't know." he lifted up the blanket to see if nash was with me (he was), then climbed into bed with me. he looked at me for a few minutes and when i didn't say anything (a rarity) he said, "we get to go home next weekend, babe." and that made me cry. i covered my face. he uncovered it. i rolled over... he held me as a i cried... which was awhile. we pretty much stayed that way until he could get a laugh out of me. then, even though he had several things to accomplish before work and had already told me he didn't really have time to watch Parenthood with me, he suggested we watch Parenthood anyway. so we snuggled underneath our duvet on our king's chair in the living room with our nash while i cried my way through Parenthood (autism episode). after that i made us some lunch. after that i felt better. i made a smoothie, left for work, and was able to walk into work feeling a little stronger than i had yesterday.

marriage is such a blessing. even though we have only been married three short years, because he knows me so well (this time) tim didn't need to ask what was going on. we may not always know how to comfort each other the best way.... but he did this time. there is no other way to receive these little blessings from each other unless you commit to sticking it out, you see each other at your worst, and you sometimes put the other person first when it doesn't gain you a whole lot.

thank you, Love, for helping me through today.

gone.

Lacey left for home today. I didn't think I would get emotional when she left, but I definitely cried the whole drive to work. I have a hard time with these feelings of sadness. I regularly scold myself because I know I am blessed, I am loved, my family is well, I have plenty of food on the table, a great roof over my head, a husband who outshines most. This really doesn't ever help. It's one thing to think about your blessings. It's another to sweep your feelings under the rug and tell yourself that they aren't valid.

They're definitely valid.

I really miss home. I miss weekly dinners with my in-laws. I miss being able to see my mom & dad whenever I needed them. I miss daily catch ups and laughs with my sister. I miss seeing Tiffany at least once a month or so. I miss our first home. I miss my neighbors and several people from work... many I realized too late that I loved so much. I miss the familiarity of the grocery stores, the comfort that comes from being a part of something for so long. I miss that Nash had somebody to play with at least once a week... and that he could go in and out as he pleased and lay in the sunshine and take a nap on winter days when it was unseasonably warm. I could go on and on.

My heart... it just aches all the time.

As I walked into work this afternoon, I thought, "I don't want to do this anymore." I feel as if I'm pretending I'm okay all the time because I know that I should find that joy from within.... and some days I just don't. Is it pathetic that I actually pictured Jesus walking beside me as I made that walk into work? There are days I just long to be held in His arms. The thought literally makes me cry on the spot. It's all I want right now.

This isn't what blogs are for, I know. These things are supposed to be happy and positive and bring a smile to your face so I'm sorry that I'm sharing this. I might vow just to stay quiet on here when I'm sad from here on out. A few times I thought about deleting it because I don't want to spread more negativity into this world.

I'm ready to be past this phase of my life, but I'm not sure that I'll ever get to live in Indiana again. That thought kills me, but I have to remember I knew that it was all a possibility when I married a pastor. I don't blame him. I know God has called him here, which means he has also called me too... I just don't feel called to anything right now and it sometimes leaves me so empty.

The End. :)

say yes to the dress

lacey and i have been watching say yes to the dress nonstop.

thank you to amber for introducing me to that show :)

it's been getting the sister & i super excited for the wedding.

like, it's all we are talking about!

sister and i started yesterday's adventure out

by stopping at david's bridal to check out that dress

she loved it

here's the best part:

they let us make an exchange!!

she's really into the purple accessories she got us

ie: the purse that will take the place of flowers to carry as we walk down the aisle

do me a favor and click here

much better view and you can actually see the detail

she also purchased earrings for all the girls recently

they're purple as well

and here they be:

(and vera wang.... she has the best accessories)

she really thought the accessories would be lost next to the old dress

and the accessories were the only way she could really incorporate purple into the wedding!

as much as i loved the old dress,

i want sister to be the happiest she can be on her day

and the floral dress did that for her

camera's dead so i'll try and get some batteries today...

maybe i'll have some pictures for you later...